Bonnie's Least Favourite Things to Hear

I worked with Bonnie pretty consistently during my time at the Dfly, and it was she who told me to start recording some of the shit that goes down. She sent me this list of frequently asked and unfortunately quite moronic questions that remiss customers ask her. I've included her commentary (and some of mine):

The List
1)"Do you have coffee?"

What? Are you kidding me? I understand it doesn't say Starbucks or Dunkin' Donuts on our awning outside but I feel that it is pretty evident as soon as you walk through the door and SMELL the Dragonfly or perhaps look to the ENTIRE WALL FULL OF COFFEE that yes, we do in fact sell coffee here.

2)"Do you have any more seating/tables?"

This really wants to make me strangle the person who dares ask this question. If you go to a restaurant and they tell you there's a wait do you ask them if they have more tables?? It's a ridiculously busy weekend afternoon in nice weather. Thus, we are packed...so NO we don't have anymore friggin' tables!! If we did, don't you think we would have put them out by now? Also, where would you like me to put this imaginary extra table anyway? On the ceiling? Sometimes when people ask this question I feel like telling them that we have a VIP section in the back and then taking them and locking them out in the alley.


3) This isn't a question per se but I LOVE when people come in and use Starbucks terminology but don't even use it correctly. "Can I have a TALL cappuccino?" So I say, "So you want a small cappuccino then?" "No, I want a large." OMG! If you wanted large, you couldn't have just said that in the first place??? TALL = SMALL at Starbucks you idiot!

I completely agree. I used to shout down customers who did this: "This isn't Starbucks! This is the real world!" or "You mean you want a SMALL?" -- Leonore


4) " Uhhhh ..... "

When I ask a customer "What size would you like" and they do a little "Ooooh..." and give me a blank dead behind the eyes stare like I just asked them the most preposterous question they have ever been asked in their entire lives. "Size?" They'll say and then I'll point behind me to the small, medium and large cups that are clearly labeled to aid the customer in such an instance. Sometimes they become clearly unable to cope with such a life-altering question and will just give up and say "Ohhh I guess I'll just have a small," as if I was timing their response. Such an incident will generally lead to them changing their minds halfway through..."Actually, can you make that a medium, I didn't know how small the small was." What??? I just pointed out ALL the sizes to you!!!

5) "Do you have lids for these cups?"

I have to sigh to myself here for a moment. Listen, I'm sorry that we don't treat you like babies and do everything for you here. I'm sorry that we let you fix your coffee exactly how you like it by providing every sweetener known to mankind as well as skim milk, whole milk, 1/2 and 1/2 AND soy milk as well as an array of other crap such as cocoa powder, nutmeg and cinnamon to put in your beverage. So, by providing you with all of these things would we really NOT provide you with a lid to put on your beverage? Really? Oh, wait, we DO! AND guess what, if you actually look an inch to your left or behind you you would see that we even let you choose what type of lid to put on your cup!!! If you used your brain, maybe you wouldn't have to ask me these questions.